


Red

by tabt_solskin



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Blankets, Crack, Crushes, Embarrassment, Everyone Has A Crush On Washington, Humor, M/M, Modeling, No Plot/Plotless, No Smut, Nude Modeling, Self Confidence, Self-Hatred, Sexual Humor, Tags Are Hard, Teasing, What Was I Thinking?, carwash siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 09:42:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7796932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabt_solskin/pseuds/tabt_solskin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Donut makes Washington model. That's basically all there is to it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Red

**Author's Note:**

> On phone

Agent Washington hated Franklin Delano Donut. Well, maybe not hate. But highly disliked him. Yeah, that sounds about right.

Franklin Delano Donut is the bane of his existence. You wonder why? He'll tell you the fuck why.

Donut is making him model. Not just model for anything. Oh no, Agent Washington has to model naked.  
He has to lie on a bed and look cute. That was not his cup of tea.

Donut had told him that he'd asked other people. That he asked Grif and Simmons, who flat out refused. He asked Tucker, who agreed in a heartbeat if it meant he got laid (let's just say, Donut changed his mind after a few crude comments from the aqua soldier.) Sarge threatened the light-ish red soldier. Lopez told him that he was a robot, so he can't model naked (not like anyone could understand him.) Doc and Caboose weren't asked, and Donut didn't even think about what would've happened if he'd have asked Carolina or Kimball.

So, here Washington is, standing in his room hoping that he would change his mind. Or maybe a lieutenant would burst through the door asking for him, that'd be fantastic.

“Wash! Take your armor off! Silly Freelancer, you can't model with that on!” Donut chides, hitting his chest-plate softly with his fingertips.

Sighing, the older man slowly takes his helmet off. He hears Tucker, Sarge, and Grif whistle at him. This was embarrassing. Not only did he have to strip to the nude, but every other Sim Trooper was in the room with him. Including Carolina.

“Holy fuck! Wash you need to nap!” Epsilon yells, amusement in his tone. Wash growls softly, he didn't need a nap. What he needed was for something to happen so he doesn't have to do this.

“Epsilon.” Carolina warns, glaring at the AI, who sighs but backs down. Everyone ignores the comment Epsilon mutters about Wash being a zombie.

“As fucking hilarious as this is, don't you think you should have picked someone who doesn't look like they're about to fall over?” Tucker asks, turning away from watching Wash strip to glance at the more than delighted red.

“Nope! This is perfect! Wash, honey, if you want this over with you should hurry!” Donut advises, smiling happily. Wash glares at them all, before continuing to rip his armor off angrily.

He doesn't understand why everyone had to be here. If he was just getting pictures taken of him, only Donut and himself should be in the room. Not all the reds and the blues.

Stripping down quickly until he's just left in his body suit, he pauses for a moment. This was a bad idea. He wishes he could go back in time to have someone else agree to this.

“Mister Washingtub! You look smaller out of your armor!” Caboose exclaims, before dramatically gasping, “Is today no armor day?!”

Tucker rolls his eyes, “Shut the fuck up, Caboose.”  
“Agent Wash! I told you all armor comes off! That includes the suit!” Donut screeches, launching himself at the freckled man who tries to get away. He fails.  
“Private Donut! What are you doing?!” Ignoring how his voice cracks, he flails to get away from the determined man who pushes him onto the ground. The blond smiles brightly and straddles him, Washington can't help the blush that appears on his face.

“Aww, he's so adorable!” Doc supplies, smiling softly at the scene unfolding. He knew not to be worried about his boyfriend making any moves on the scary Freelancer, but if he did, Doc wouldn't think he'd mind the larger man joining their relationship.

“Four words. Bow chicka bow wow.” Tucker says, face completely serious. Washington wants to kill him.  
“As… Weird as this is. Why are we here?” Grif asks, gesturing to Simmons and himself. Donut rolls his eyes, and wiggles down on Wash slightly. The freckled man's eyes widen and he pushes Donut off of him.

“Well Dexter, you're here because who doesn't want to see Wash model?” He questions, genuine confusion as to why someone wouldn't want to watch a guy undress in front of them. “Not like he'd let you leave anyway, fool.” O’Malley mutters.

“Shut up, ye dirt bag! Just ‘cause you can't appreciate art doesn't mean other people can't enjoy it!” Sarge orders, glaring at the Hawaiian through his helmet.

“Just because you're gay for Wash doesn't mean we are!” Grif yells, throwing his hands up in the air. Sarge sputters, and Wash tries to ignore the flush on his cheeks. Sarge likes him? They must be messing with him, nobody likes him. He's disgusting. Ugly, worthless, annoying…

Sliding his body suit down until it's at his hips, he sighs softly and takes the suit off completely. He feels exposed, probably because he's naked in front of all his friends.

“Damn, Washington! You're fuckin' hot!” Epsilon exclaims, flickering slightly. Carolina makes a disgusted face, but doesn't make a comment.

“That's the damn truth. Wash, you're hung.” Tucker states, staring at a region that Wash would rather not have him looking at. He holds his body suit to his waist, so his hips are covered.

“Aw, c’mon man! Don't be shy!” Tucker smirks, starting to walk towards his nude friend. Donut puts a hand on the darker man's chest, glaring at him.

“Now, now, Lavernius. I wanted Wash to model. Not watch a porno. Well, not one with you two anyway. Tuckington is not something I ship. Chucker is my otp.” Tucker backs off slightly, face forming in confusion. What the fuck was Tuckington? Chucker?

Washington ignores Tucker, who's now complaining about being cockblocked, and instead climbs onto the bed. Licking his lips, he raises his eyebrow at the pink soldier and moves to where his right elbow and hip is holding all of his weight.

He drags a soft red blanket over his private parts and gives the Sim Troopers all a sinful look. He might as well have some fun.

Fluttering his eyes, he smiles innocently and arches slowly. He hears sharp inhales from all around the room, he has to bite back a smirk.

“Holy fuck, dude! I feel so attacked right now!” Tucker slaps a hand over his heart and stumbles back slightly. Epsilon flickers in agreement, Carolina scrunches her nose up in disgust.

Caboose is obviously confused, he's not really paying attention anyways. Which Washington is grateful for. Caboose is like a child, he would hate to ruin that.  
Simmons’ face is bright red, and he's staring at the floor like it's the most interesting thing in the world. Grif on the other hand is swallowing loudly and staring at his face in wonder. Wash waves at him slightly, making Grif’s head shoot away, a tint to his cheeks.

Donut is snapping pictures already with Doc watching intently and Sarge speaking quietly to them both, not hiding the fact that he's dragging his eyes up and down the Freelancers body.

“I've decided we're adding someone with you, Wash. Why not make it even more… fun?” Donut asks cheerfully, he looks around the room slowly.

“Dude, don't even look at me. Watching two dudes work out already made me feel weird, having sex with Washington will make me feel weirder.” Grif explains, tone flat. Simmons sputters and nods in agreement.

“I'll do it!” Tucker screeches, trying to launch himself at the naked Freelancer. Only to get punched in the face by the said Freelancer. Wash would never admit it, but he's on Donut's side. Chucker for life.

“What the fuck, dude?! That hurt!” The aqua soldiers hand is covering his now bleeding nose, he huffs and goes to sit on the floor.

O’Malley chuckles and points at Grif and Simmons, “You fools! Why wouldn't you want to sex up that? Idiots!” He complains, crossing his arms.

“Fuck off, dickface. If you want someone to “sex up that” so badly do it yourself!” Grif retorts, shoving a handful of chips in his mouth. Don't ask how he got them, no one knows.

“I'd rather none of you “sex me up”, this is bad enough.” Wash sighs, flopping onto the bed with his arms above his head. This is only getting worse.

He can tell the others are looking at someone, he turns his head to see who it is. Coughing, he tries not to squeak when he realizes they're all staring at Carolina.

“No.” Carolina states, crossing her arms. Epsilon groans loudly, “C’mon, Lina. It'll be fun! Well, fun for me at least.”  
“I said no,” Carolina spits, glaring at the AI next to her. “he's my brother.”

“He's your what?!”

Carolina snorts, but doesn't repeat herself. She knows they heard her correctly. Glancing at Wash, she sees relief pour onto her brothers face.

“That doesn't make sense! You two are related?! No way! Now I have to fantasize about different people for a threesome!” Tucker’s hand is still covering his nose, but that doesn't make him any less annoying. Or disgusting.

“How come I didn't know this? I live inside your head, Lina. I should've been able to know.” Epsilon's hands wave above his head slightly. Carolina sighs before replying, “There's just some things I'm not ready for you to know, Epsilon.”

Everyone ignores it, but they can all see the way Epsilon flickers wasn't for something good. They also ignore Donut exclaiming, “Thank god! I wasn't about to have straight porn in this room!”

“If none of you will appreciate what's ready to be devoured right in front of our faces, then I will!” Sarge grumbles, ripping his armor off quickly. A few of them snort, knowing exactly why Sarge is so eager.

The red soldier pulls his body suit down until it's at his pelvis, and decides that's where he's going to stop. Even if Donut complains about it for the next month.

Sarge gets onto the bed quickly. Leaning over a wide eyed Wash, he chuckles and pins his hands on either side of the freckled man. Closing down in on the other man he whispers in his ear, “I always knew you'd look good in red.”

The blush on Washington's cheeks and the clicking of Donut’s camera was enough for Grif to choke out a, “We're leaving.” Grabbing Simmons’ wrist and escaping before anyone could stop them.

“Nice to see you're finally getting some, David.” Carolina teases, smiling softly. Wash groans and hides his face in Sarge's shoulder, “Shut up.”

The Ex-Freelancer laughs quietly, but turns to leave, dragging Caboose with her. Much to Epsilon's annoyance, who complains about wanting to watch. Carolina can't help but think he sounds like Tucker, which shuts the AI up quickly.

The light-ish red soldier continues to snap pictures, not even asking Wash or Sarge to do anything. But the sound of a camera clicking soon stops, the pair on the bed glace over to see Doc basically grinding against the other. Wash bites his lip to hold in his laughter while Sarge throws a pillow at the two.

“Get a room!” He orders, the Ex-Freelancer bursts out into a fit of giggles then, his whole body curling up into a ball. Sarge loves it.

“You fool! This is a room!” O’Malley yells, although he's dragging Donut with him to a place more private. “If the red fool didn't take Washington away we'd have more fun!”

“Dirt bag.” Sarge mumbles, attaching his lips to the blond's neck, who stops laughing in an instant and moans. Tangling his fingers in Sarge’s hair, he tilts his head to the side.

“Oooh shit, I should've brought popcorn.” Tucker's voice breaks what the other two were doing in an instant. Sarge rolls his eyes and groans into Wash’s neck.

“Lavernius. Leave.” Washington demands, glaring at him. There's a little bit of desperateness in his eyes, which makes the aqua soldier sigh in disappointment but he stands to leave anyway. “Whatever. Next time, I'm watching.”

“Lavernius, if you don't leave right now I will have Kimball put you on dish duty.” He warns, Tucker's eyes widen and he scampers out the door quickly. “You're an asshole, Wash!”

The blond chuckles softly, wrapping his arms around Sarge’s back he flips them over to wear Wash is straddling him. The red blanket falls away.

The red soldier grips the other's hips tightly, staring at him in awe. Wash winks slowly, and well, that's game over for everybody.

The entire town of Chorus probably knows what happened between Sarge and Washington. Or Sargington. That's what Donut calls them now.

Neither of them could bring themselves to care though. If that's what modeling for someone leads to, Wash will gladly do it again if Sarge is the one on top of him.

Maybe he didn't hate Donut that much.

**Author's Note:**

> This... Was supposed to be serious. It was supposed to have plot... Not this...
> 
> All my tics from now on will be crack at this point I don't even care anymore, lemme know if I'm missing tags or anything.
> 
> Thoughts?


End file.
